Chocolate Milk
by studentnumber24601
Summary: If it seems too good to be true, it's probably a lie. Mush knows that... He knows it so well that he almost loses his only chance to make it real. [Valentine's Day slash. Fluff!]


**_[Chocolate Milk]_**

Senior year, and he still hated Valentine's Day. He didn't even mind being single—well, not really—since it wasn't like there were a lot of other gay guys at his school, and it wasn't just that he was single. Valentine's Day was like a slap in the face.

Mush swallowed the flavorless food on his cafeteria tray and glanced around. He was sitting basically alone; Skittery, the class computer nerd, was at his table, immersed in something on his laptop. Probably, Mush mused, completely unaware of the date. They'd taken to sitting together a few years ago; they didn't know each other well, but Mush never made fun of Skittery for being about the most stereotypical geek he'd ever seen, and Skittery didn't care that Mush was gay, so it worked out all right.

It wasn't even that most of the school did care. It was just that the people who cared—were bothered by it—were vocal. And _mean,_ sometimes. Like on Valentine's Day, last year...

Mush decided not to think about that, and looked around the cafeteria some more, unconsciously seeking out his crush. He'd become an expert at finding Blink in a crowd, watching Blink out of the corner of his eye, and looking like he absolutely wasn't. He didn't let people know who he crushed on anymore, it was too... Dangerous. After last year.

Right, not thinking about that. He watched Blink instead, which was always hypnotic enough to keep him from dwelling on things. Blink was laughing at something—Mush could hear the laugh across the cafeteria—and waiting in line at the table the student council had set up to sell roses for people to give their valentines.

Blink had collected about four roses from girls already that day. Mush picked up his carton of milk and pretend that girls giving Blink roses didn't bother him. At least, so far as he knew, Blink hadn't bought a flower for anyone yet... But, well, he _was_ in line at the table, so it was probably only a matter of time. Mush wondered who the lucky girl would be... 

Rumors said he had been flirting with Christina for a week, and was going to ask her to the prom; but then, rumors also said he'd spent the previous Friday drunkenly hooking up with Erica in Jack Kelly's basement. But then, Blink hooked up with a lot of girls in Jack Kelly's basement, and he was never serious about them. Serious dating didn't seem to be his style.

Mush would have cheerfully settled for a drunken hookup. But it was never going to happen, and he knew better than to kid himself.

He'd learned that lesson the hard way.

He sighed, loudly enough to distract Skittery from his laptop. "What's up?" Skittery asked, not actually looking up, but speaking for the first time since lunch had started.

"Nothing."

"Mmm." Skittery went back to typing for a second, then commented, "I hate Valentine's Day."

"Yeah, well... Me too."

"You have reason to, I guess. After last year and all."

"Yeah," Mush said flatly, maybe more harsh than he intended. He didn't like to think about the previous year.

"It was a dickhead thing they did."

"Yeah."

"But hey, crushboy over there stood up for you." Skittery smirked up at him for a second, then turned back to his computer screen, while Mush gaped at him.

"How the _hell_ did you know that?" he demanded. "I haven't told anyone. At all."

"You stare at him all the time."

"Not so anyone would notice."

"Uh, _I_ noticed, thanks a lot."

"Yeah, but you..."

"Don't count around here, I know. Neither do you. But for what it's worth, I see _everything._ No one notices me watching, though. They think I'm staring at my computer."

"You aren't?"

"Well, I am usually. But I look up sometimes."

Mush shrugged uncomfortably. Skittery was a strange guy.

But he had brought up a decent point, the _only_ good thing that came out of last year's... Fiasco. Blink had stood up for him.

Mush opened his carton of chocolate milk and began to drink it, willing himself not to dwell on what had happened _or_ how Blink had helped him. _Drowning my sorrows in chocolate milk, like when we were kids,_ he thought, almost sadly.

He knew why Blink had stood up for him. Back when Mush's family lived in the trailer park, Blink had lived next door. They'd walked to and from school together almost every day, and Blink's mother used to baby sit Mush, which lead to hours spent playing together as kids. They'd been close friends, too, until Mush's family moved out of the park and to a house further from school, and they'd stopped hanging out so much. And by sixth grade had fallen into totally separate social circles; Mush was a quiet kid who sat in the back of the room and tried not to be noticed, and Blink was the class clown, who everyone loved.

It was somewhere around seventh grade Mush realized that what he missed wasn't just Blink's friendship, as much as he did miss that. That was when he realized how he'd wanted more from Blink, that what he'd felt was really a crush, and that was how he'd realized he was gay.

_It was all Blink's fault,_ Mush though, setting down his milk and wiping away the brown milk mustache with a napkin.

But at least Blink felt some remaining fondness for him, for all they hadn't really had much of a conversation in years. Some sort of leftover loyalty from when they were kids, because Blink _ had_ stood up for him.

Blink was close to the front of the line now, and he turned to look around the cafeteria; Mush smoothly looked away, before Blink could even see that he was in the back of the room. Let alone before he'd have to find out if Blink looked at him or not.

And then, glancing around the cafeteria, he saw Pie. Well; Pie wasn't his real name, Pie Eater had stuck after the fifth grade pie eating contest he'd won, but it was what everyone called him now. Mush narrowed his eyes slightly at the jock who was part of that damn vocal minority that lived to make Mush's life miserable... And Pie was more creative than most.

The memory came back before he could lock it down with the comforting coolness of chocolate milk.

Everyone had known about his crush on Pie Eater. Mush hadn't exactly _told_ anyone, but it was pretty obvious given the amount of pining he was doing, and how he wasn't at all subtle, and when asked he hadn't denied it. He liked Pie Eater. So did most of the girls in their grade. It hadn't seemed like a very big deal to him, since he'd never harbored any delusions about Pie's sexuality.

But then, Valentine's Day had rolled around. The student council had set up their flower sale, like every year, and Mush had done his best to ignore the holiday, like every year. It was hard, though, when his crush had actually begun _talking_ to him a few days beforehand. And they'd gotten along pretty well, and Mush hadn't exactly hoped, but it was impossible not to at least fantasize about it. And then on Valentine's Day, Pie had sauntered up to him at lunch, rose, card, and chocolates in hand, and asked Mush to be his valentine.

For about ten seconds, Mush was overjoyed, like he was living out his favorite fantasy.

And after ten seconds, seeing the look of ecstasy on Mush's face, Pie had cracked up, and so had all of his friends. And after muttering a few choice slurs, Pie had walked off again, still laughing, leaving Mush with Valentines' goods that were nothing but humiliation. He'd left them lying on the table when, two minutes of attempting to compose himself later, he'd dashed from the cafeteria out to the library to sit alone and hate himself.

But it was _almost_ worth it when he'd finally ventured out to the hallway, planning to grab his coat from his locker and skip the rest of the day, and he'd heard them talking before turning the corner, and stopped to wait.

_"...C'mon, Blink, he's just a fag. It was a _joke."

_ "It wasn't fucking _funny,_ you asshole."_

_ "Oh come _on._ It was a _joke!"

_"It was mean. That's not the kind of shit it's okay to joke about, Jesus. You're a real cretin sometimes, Pie."_

_ "Okay, fine, I'm sorry! God..."_

_ "Don't tell _me_ you're sorry, tell _him."

But Pie never had, because he wasn't sorry and everyone knew it. But a heartbeat later when Blink strode angrily around the corner and almost walked into Mush, he'd stopped and smiled and asked if Mush was okay.

Mush had promised he was fine. Blink had raised an eyebrow, and not believed him, because Mush never could lie convincingly, and then offered to go buy him some chocolate milk. Just like when they were kids and they'd get into fights, or get hurt, and Blink's mom would make them chocolate milk to comfort them. It was just a calming thing, when they were kids; Mush almost couldn't believe Blink remembered it.

It was no wonder that Mush still had a crush on him. But he hadn't really wanted chocolate milk at that point, he wanted to go home and shut the door to his room and not come out for several days. But Blink seemed to understand that, too.

Looking around the cafeteria now, there was Pie, talking to a few of his friends. Mush did his best not to scowl. At least the stunt last Valentine's had effectively ended his crush, though it had made the mostly latent crush on Blink somewhat... Well, less latent.

Blink was at the front of the line now, and bought a single red rose. Mush picked up his chocolate milk again and tried not to care, but it was so _hard_ sometimes. Blink began to wander through the cafeteria; he seemingly didn't even have a destination in mind. He stopped to talk to Jack and the people Jack was sitting with; he paused to say hi to the table under the stairs, which was always claimed by Dutchy, Specs and Bumlets. Mush sort of wished Blink would just hurry up and find his girl already so he could go back to not caring, and he tried to pull his eyes away from Blink, but it was impossible.

He knew better than to fantasize, though. Blink was probably looking for Christina and Erica, and even if he wasn't... Mush had learned his lesson last year. There was no point in fantasizing. It would only make it more painful in the end. But still, he _couldn't_ stop watching Blink.

His heart sank a little when Blink walked over to say hi to Pie Eater and his friends—he and Pie had made up a week after the Valentine's incident, or at least it had blown over. People stopped staring at Mush everywhere he went and snickering behind his back, finally. But he still felt it, every time he saw Pie. He still felt the sting of humiliation, and seeing Blink talking to Pie—and to Erica, who was standing right there, too—was almost a slap in the face. But he knew better than to fantasize.

Pie said something that absolutely cracked Blink up, and as Blink caught his breath he turned to Erica. She reached out to touch his shoulder and he smiled warmly and leaned in to hear what she said. She giggled and played with her ponytail. He put a hand on her side. And really, the flirting was so gratuitous that Mush wanted to scream. He couldn't hear the words that were said, but it was so _obvious_ what was going on.

He turned away and back to his chocolate milk, reminding himself that he knew better than to even imagine anything. By the time he turned back to Blink, he knew Erica would have her rose and they'd be kissing right there in the cafeteria, in front of everyone. It was almost enough that Mush didn't look back, since he _certainly_ didn't want to see. But he had to; he might not be fantasizing but he had to know what happened. 

When he finished his carton of milk, he glanced back to where he'd last seen Blink, and there was Pie Eater and Erica and their friends, but Blink had wandered away again. And Erica _didn't_ have a rose in her hands. Mush tried his hardest not to be happy about that—if not her, than Christina, or some other girl—as his gaze darted from table to table, trying to pick out the blond.

And there he was, barely a few feet away. Mush's heartbeat sped up a little, because Blink waved a little, rose hanging loosely from his other hand, and he stepped over to the table. "Hey," he said lightly, smiling.

"Hey." Mush tried to sound cool, and missed his mark by an incredible margin. But he didn't really care because... Because Blink was _right there,_ talking to him. And he tried to pretend it meant nothing to him, but it meant the world. 

"Can I sit for a sec?" Blink asked, gesturing slightly to one of the free chairs at the almost empty table. Mush nodded, trying not to seem too eager. "So what's... up?"

"Nothing." His voice didn't crack, and Mush thought that was a pretty major accomplishment. "How are you?" he added, desperate for Blink to keep talking for him.

"I'm not bad." A smile and a slight shrug. Blink glanced around, then down at Mush's now empty tray. "Chocolate milk," he noted.

Mush nodded, a slight blush working it's way across his face. "It's good," he said, almost defensively.

"Hey, I know it." Another smile. "Hey, uh, can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Yeah, sure." Mush clenched a fist under the table, digging his fingernails into his palm. Blink already _was_ talking to him, so it seemed like a bizarre question. But Mush wanted Blink to _keep_ talking to him, so he added a nod to his agreement.

"Just, uh..." Blink trailed off, awkwardly. "I was thinking, and it's Valentine's Day and all. And I was thinking about how there's this... This person I like but I've never said so, since I... I'm bad at things like that." Blink shut his one eye tight for a second, like he was concentrating on seeing a speech written in his mind, and finally continued. "I never said anything, since it feels like it could change everything. But, uh..." He bit his lip for a second, then finally lightly pushed the rose across the table to where Mush was sitting. "Happy Valentine's Day, Mush."

Mush stared at him. And then looked down at the rose, and then back up and around the cafeteria, where everyone was watching intently. Just like last year when he'd been set up and everyone knew ahead of time. His he swallowed hard and looked back at Blink, expecting the laugh at any second, and shook his head. Not this year. Not _this_ goddamn year, he'd already learned that this didn't happen, and he wasn't going to fall for it twice.

"You must really think I'm stupid," he said, not caring that the whole cafeteria seemed to go silent. He stood angrily, his chair sliding back from the force of it. "It was fucking bad enough _last_ year and I'm not stupid and you can't play with my emotions like that. So just _fuck you."_

He turned away and marched out of the cafeteria, not caring who stared at him, not looking back. 

And since he didn't look back, he didn't see the look on Blink's face change from a warm, awkward smile to shock to something that anyone watching could tell was pretty close to heartbreak.

*

It was snowy out, and parts of the driveway glistened with ice. Cold stung at his cheeks and eye, and his fingers were bright pink since he hadn't bothered with gloves, but Blink really didn't give a damn. He had to work the frustration out somehow. The basketball net was just as frozen as everything else, so it didn't even shake satisfyingly every time Blink shot the ball through it, and the ball did nothing to warm his frozen fingers. But in all honesty, he didn't even feel the cold. The cold would have been better than what he _was _feeling.

He'd left school within five minutes after the disaster of the cafeteria, not caring about how many school rules he broke by not even signing out. He couldn't deal with it—the looks people gave him were bad enough, but knowing that somewhere in the school was Mush, angry and bitter and convinced it had been a cruel joke. So now Blink was out to the school and had been rejected by the only person who'd ever made coming out seem worthwhile.

It had never occurred to him that Mush would even say no, let alone blow up like that. "Stupid," he muttered aloud, his breath forming a puff of steam as he slapped the ball against the iced over pavement and then tossed at the net. He missed by a wide margin, but didn't care, and strode over to retrieve the ball.

"So goddamn _stupid."_

He grabbed the ball, but only to stop it, and then sat down on the ice next to it, pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in his arms. Well, at least now he knew what Mush must have felt like the year before; humiliated, angry, but mostly heartbroken. Rejection didn't just sting like some irritating insect bite, it bit like something rabid.

Blink wasn't sure how he was ever going to show his face at school again. Everyone knew he was gay, now, and Mush was probably never going to speak to him again. Not that Blink could blame him, after what had happened last year.

_I should have thought,_ he scolded himself, kicking at the ice, trying to break through it. _I should have realized he'd freak out, and done it in private. I just wanted to be... Romantic. To make up for last year..._

So much for that plan.

It was close to the time school would be letting out now, and Blink forced himself to get up and head inside. Not because the cold had seeped into him and he felt like he'd never be warm, though that was true, it was mostly because he didn't want to see anyone yet, and the kids who lived in the trailer park would all be getting home in not too long.

He stomped into his room and shut the door, lay down on his bed and played the scene over and over again in his mind. Small talk, awkward speech and offer, rejection. Over and over and over.

If only he could have gone back in time, stopped it from happening... Found some way to go back to the small talk and change the rest of it. Make it _work._

A fleeting thought entered his mind, but he pushed it aside quickly. He was just being stupid again. There was no point, no matter how much he wished...

*

Mush's new house—well, hardly new anymore, but to Blink it would always be the new house—was a few miles out of the main part of town, back in the woods, with a long driveway up to it. It looked terribly elegant, all snow covered, but Blink really didn't care about the snow at all. He was cold. Walking probably hadn't been the best idea, but he hadn't had much of a choice, really.

By the time he made it up the driveway, he was shivering slightly, and he rang the doorbell nervously. He could only hope Mush would actually answer, because his day had been so awful that if no one answered—or if the door was slammed in his face immediately——he honestly thought he might just break down on the doorstep. He could only imagine what would happen then, when Mush's parents got home and found a freezing, sobbing mass that used to be a teenager blocking the entrance to their house.

_Please, God, let him answer the door,_ Blink thought desperately, and waited another second before ringing again. Nothing. His finger was shaking as he went to ring again, but the inner door swung open, leaving only the glass of the screen door between him and Mush.

They just stared at each other for a long minute.

Blink swallowed hard and reached for the thermos he'd brought with him, held it up like proof he'd come for a reason, not just to taunt Mush and make them both more miserable. "Chocolate milk," Blink said, by way of explanation.

Mush stared at him for another second, then demanded, "Why are you _here?"_

"Can I come in?"

He shook his head no. Blink stared down at the ground and cleared his throat a little before trying again. "Chocolate milk," he said. "I know you love it. I just wanted to... To say I'm sorry about earlier, I shouldn't have..."

"Damn right you shouldn't have. It wasn't _funny."_

"It wasn't a _joke!"_ Blink answered, frustrated as much as hurt. If only Mush would let him explain... It didn't mean Mush would like him, feel the same way, but it might at least get Mush to forgive him. 

But Mush just glared.

Blink sighed. "Anyway, I walked up here because I... I didn't mean to hurt you, I'd never do that. I was so pissed at Pie last year, no one should do... What he did. No one should have to go through what you went through and I _know_ that and I wouldn't do that to you, not ever. I don't have the flower anymore, just chocolate milk, but I wanted to do _something_ so you'd know that I wasn't joking. I meant it."

Blink wondered if that was babbling, and had no idea if it had even made sense. But judging by the slow look on Mush's face, it must have gotten through at least partially. Mush's glare lightened a little, became more an expression of shock than anything else. 

"But you're not..." Mush shook his head. "You're not gay."

"Yes, I am."

There was a stunned silence from both of them. Blink had never said it aloud before, so bluntly. He'd known it, and giving Mush that rose had been an admission to the whole world, but he'd never just said it like that. He was gay. It felt kind of strange to just have it so open, but it didn't feel exactly bad.

"This had better not be another fucking joke." Mush glanced around outside, like he was looking for people hiding in the bushes.

"I wouldn't do that to you," Blink promised.

Mush hesitated. "You brought me chocolate milk?"

Blink nodded.

Another hesitation, and then Mush leaned forward and opened the screen door. Gratefully, Blink stepped inside and handed Mush the thermos, started to take off his coat, but Mush grabbed his hands. "Your hands are _freezing._"

"Forgot my gloves." Blink shrugged.

"Dumbass," Mush said, but he said it fondly, smiling slightly. "It's a long walk up here."

"I noticed."

Blink also noticed that Mush hadn't let his hands go yet, was holding them between his own, warming them up. He looked over into Mush's eyes, and smiled slightly. "Mush, I really like you, I... If you don't like me back, that's fine, I understand, but I'd never joke about this."

"Blink..." Mush shook his head a little, slightly stunned, but his smile growing broader with every passing second. "Blink, I've had a crush on you since fifth grade, are you joking?"

Blink beamed back at him and pulled Mush into a long, tight hug, their cheeks brushing together. Mush's skin was so _warm..._ And it was a little depressing when Mush pulled away, but then Blink realized it was just so he could take off his coat. Which he did quickly, and then Mush grabbed one of his hands again, the thermos in his other, and led him into the house's interior. 

It was a beautiful house, with polished wooden floors and a country, almost log cabin like feel to the decoration. The sort of thing Blink could remember Mush's mom always liking. They settled on the living room couch, not so close to each other that they were touching, but still holding hands silently.

And finally Mush moved so he could take a long drink of the chocolate milk, and when he turned back to Blink he was smiling again. "You made your mom make this, didn't you?"

"Maybe," Blink answered, laughing a little.

"I missed this."

"Chocolate milk?"

"Being near you. But the milk, too." As if to prove it, Mush finished off the milk. "It was sweet of you to... To do everything today. I'm sorry I freaked out."

"I'm sorry I..." Blink trailed off, not sure what he was sorry for. He hadn't _actually_ done anything wrong, aside from make Mush unhappy. "I'm sorry I upset you," he finished.

"It was my fault. I should have known you wouldn't..."

"Yeah, but I haven't really talked to you much the last few years. You don't know me as well anymore, so, it's okay." That hadn't made much sense even to him, but Blink didn't care. It was like Mush had just said; he missed being near Mush. And he looked over at Mush and grinned, his smile impossibly wide, and mused aloud, "All those days I'd see you drinking chocolate milk in the cafeteria, all I could think was how much I wanted to kiss away your milk mustache."

Mush blinked. "You watched me in the cafeteria?"

Blink nodded. "Only when I thought you wouldn't notice."

"I did the same thing." Mush laughed a little. "When I thought you weren't looking at me..."

"Exactly." Blink nodded, then paused to consider. "Mush, you've got a milk mustache."

Mush reached up to wipe it off, the earlier comment not having sunk in thoroughly, but Blink reached over and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. Mush shot him a confused look for a second, but he understood as Blink leaned in to place a gentle kiss on his lips. Mush sighed slightly and dropped his hand, kissed back, and almost unconsciously they slid closer together on the couch, limbs intertwined, lips locked.

It was a few minutes before Mush paused enough to pull away. "Blink?"

"Yeah?"

"I really love chocolate milk."

Blink just grinned back and kissed him again. And it was a good enough Valentine's Day that neither of them cared about what had happened at school, or what might happen the next day. It didn't matter anymore, so long as they were together. 

**_[AN: Look, look, my Blink!muse came back to me! I'm so happy! And now I've got to go lock him back in his cage so he can't escape again. Wheeeeeeeeee! Happy Valentine's, a day late. :-D]_**


End file.
